Lumpectomy...aka "breast preservation!"

One week after preliminary diagnosis, I had my surgery date.  We are all scared about what this means.  For me, for us as a family, for my kids, for what we imagined our life looking like in the next 10 years.  Never before contemplating the words "survival rate." Meeting upon meeting with doctors, genetic counselor, naturopathic physician, surgeon, pathologists...I thought I had a pretty good handle on the big picture.  "This is cancer, this is scary, but I've got it."  I kept repeating that to myself as I would look into my husband's eyes, full of all the knowledge he had whirling around in his brain, so desperately trying to be calm for me, making sure I wasn't scared or afraid.

I was ready for surgery.  We wanted the cancer out as soon as possible and team we had chosen made it happen.  I am constantly impressed and so thankful for all those involved with my care here in Oly. So YAY for that!

September 4th, 6:30am, Providence St. Peter's Hospital.

Step one: nuclear medicine injection to track lymph nodes to see if the cancer cells had reached my lymphatic system.  4 needle pokes later and some imaging and I was back in the waiting room.  So far so good.  During the course of time between now and surgery  (10am), the radioactive material is suppose to track up to the first few sentinel nodes so that the surgeon can remove them for pathology. Pretty amazing. 

We were setup in the OR waiting room, prepped with warm blankets, peek a boo visits from fellow physician friends who were on call and making sure I was being well taken care of.  IV insertion for anesthesia didn't go well at first but in the end I was knocked out, so that was about the most drama pre-surgery brought.

An hour or so later I was back in the OR waiting room, surgery done, coming out of anesthesia with the good news that Dr. K removed the cancerous tumor in full and removed two of my sentinel nodes.  Basically, surgery went as planned with no surprises and everyone involved was pleased.  Hallelujah!!

Groggy and chewing on ice chips, my family peeked in through the curtain with smiles and flowers and tears of the first good news.  My mom and dad, mother in law Polly, Jack, Keegan and Hannah and S&C gave me the first glimpse of light on this long day.  So very thankful to feel their presence. 

Homeward bound and feeling sore from surgery, meds kicking in, I felt relief. The yucky stuff was gone.  Although we would wait a few days for the pathology report from surgery to give us a more thorough answer on the cancer cells and lymph node status, we felt confident that my body was moving a step in the right direction.
So pleased with how smoothly surgery went, I came home and kind of overdid it. Opps. My mom and dad were staying for a dinner beautifully prepared by my daughter and a sweet friend (local chef extraordinaire and famous 2nd grade teacher!). We sat out on the patio, basking in the early September sunshine, munching on goat cheese and crackers, playing with grandpa's puppies....not realizing that the pain meds were keeping me pretty much pain free and euphoric.

I cried a lot that night.  I didn't sleep well that night.  I was so happy that the C-word was out of my body.  But I was scarred.  marked.  wounded.  I know that I'm suppose to believe that "I'm going to be just fine," but every now and again I honestly question that.  My relationship with my Heavenly Father confirms that I am in His hands, but human nature whispers "maybe it will come back..
Even though the tumor was removed, there is the possibility that other cancer cells spread pre-surgery or that they can't be seen on imaging.  Hence the long road ahead of Chemotherapy and Radiation treatment.

And then I meditated on the verse my dad gave me as he walked out the door earlier that evening.  "And I am confidant that He who began a good work in you will continue to perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ." (Philippians 1:6)  I AM in His hands and no matter where this journey takes us, I know that He loves me.  Even if I am scarred.