Monday, November 2, 2015

Identity Crisis

Hair. It can mold one's personality.  Big beautiful curly hair, short crew cut hair, glossy stick straight hair, wavy messy hair.  Mine has somehow evolved into part of who I am.  Or at least it identifies me in a crowd.  Or in this town.  "That girl with the short blonde hair!"  So, losing this coif of blonde madness is a bit emotional for me.


Jack thinks I should write a book once this is all behind me.  I just might.  Because who I am has not changed.  Cancer can't take that away from me.  I hope that someday my story can help someone going through this same sucky situation and realize that it's okay.  It's okay to be mad.  It's okay to be confused.  It's okay to not understand why. HOW you travel through it is what makes it life changing. That's the reason for this blog, the little square pictures on Instagram and countless journal pages.  I want to be a real example of someone who least expected cancer, but tackled it head on, with a smile...and no hair.

During round 2,  (Tuesday, October 20th), my oncologist told me that my hair would start to come out that week.  I wasn't quite ready for that.  So grateful my sweet friend C was there to encourage me and convince me I could rock the bald look. Thursday rolled around and my scalp hurt.  That was the sign that it was coming out soon.  The support crew was ready. We planned for a Saturday morning head shaving gathering. 


Saturday morning came and my hairstylist, mother-in-law, sweet friends and family were all here to support me.  I'm blessed to have been surrounded by people who love me and can see me weep without feeling uncomfortable.  People to hold me and comfort me.  

And Kristina.  I will say her name because I want you to share in the pleasure I have had in her and her gift of capturing life through her lens.  She offered to help me document this journey and has become a very sweet friend.  I am loving getting to know her better.  (See her contact info below.) 

I smiled and laughed through most of it.  The cotton candy mohawk was AWESOME!  I may have to try that again next summer.  But as soon as it was ALL off, it set in.  That stupid little tumor that had somehow grown in my healthy body, had caused pain, deep emotion and now a loss of a part of my identity...my hair. I love my hair.  Until about 8 years ago, I had long, wavy hair.  I always thought it would be fun to cut it all off but never had the mojo.  I think as I've grown up, I gained that confidence, and maybe a little more sass, to live up to it.  And it's become a part of me:)   


Now it's gone...  

But it will grow back... 

As a woman, being bald feels weird. My head gets cold and I feel a bit like an alien (the drugs might add to that)  But I'm okay.  I'll own it.  Because when God created me, he knew I would go through this and that I could handle it. And because maybe I can let someone else feel okay with what they may have to go through someday as well.  


"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14

XO,
A

Photo Credit to the lovely & talented Kristina Wunsch 
http://poppiphoto.com
Insta acct: Poppiphotography

Julia Ward (hair stylist extraordinaire @ Moda Capelli Hair in Olympia

2 comments:

  1. Just read that you had cancer on Poppi's instagram account. Immediately came and read every word of your blog. Just wanted you to know I'm praying for you. For your family. You're an inspiration. And you're beautiful too, by the way. Both with and without hair! - Jen Gilday

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  2. You are strong and beautiful, and are inspiring so many people through this journey, including me! I love you Angie!
    Julia

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